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The DOs and DO NOTs of running your first marathon I The Oatmeal DO let those pre-race Jitters fly! Start out at a completely impractical pace. This will demoralize other runners into quitting early, and you will be crowned marathon champion at mile two.
DO learn the hard way why race bibs come with four pins. ir ft Qj) | http: //www. i )RipOff.com Buy this photo for $3^ <V\ OR Buy all your photos for eleventy tHfcon dollars. ITS A BARGAIN!!! ADD TO CART
rx/^V K S^°P runn'n9 when getting a INvy I dpink at an aid station. By enduring the *sprint-choke,’ you could shave three, possibly four seconds off your 5+ hour finish time!
)U enjoy massive surges of adrenaline and find yourself laughing really hard at things that aren’t actually that funny ... m bahahahahahaha A DRACULA JOKE! you SLAy ME. SIR! hahahphahahaha yes DRACULA JOKES ARE QUITE hilarious and so we shall| LAUGH AND LAUGH AND u>
uu over-accessorize. Because you’re totally gonna need all that shit. The Oatmeal http^//theoatmeal com
marathon: (noun) P popular form of overpriced torture wherein participants wake up at ass-o-clock in the morning and stand in the freezing cold until it's time to run. at which point they miserably trot for a god-awful interval of time that could be better spent sleeping in and/or consuming large quantities of beer and cupcakes. See also' masochism, awfulness, "a bunch of bullshit,' boob-chafing, cupcake deprivation therapy. Vje yo°- The Oatmeal http//theoatmeal com
DO NOT despair when thinking about how much farther you have to go. Instead, console yourself by inventing bizarre ways of measuring distances. yessir, rfs gonna take a lot more than a couple of floppy lizard penises to stop me. Everything is going to be okay.
/ n[ j hang out in the recovery area and chat up the happiest ^ bunch of physically battered people you'll ever meet. J 1 jf J ignore all the warning signs that something horribly traumatic has just happened to your body. J forget every single second of agony, frustration, and melancholy that plagued you over the past few hours. /DO this with food in your face and a gleam in your eye /DO all of these things, and then go enthusiastically sign up for another race.
THE END! Written and drawn by The Oatmeal.
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I'm not going to pretend I was planning on signing up for one until I learned it wasn't free, but still...