STAGE 1: Lurch into your bedroom, completely exhausted and utterly convinced that you'll fall asleep the instant your head hits the pillow.
STAGE 2: Lay down and somehow immediately become 200% more alert than you’ve been at any point during the day.
STAGE 3: Try out every conceivable sleep position, and even a few inconceivable ones, but never, ever get comfortable. Did you somehow Have you ever actually You can no longer forget how to be been comfortable? remember.
STAGE 4: Keep furiously throwing your blankets on and off because your stupid body can't decide whether it's hot or cold. Don't worry, you'll still be magically covered in sweat either way!
STAGE 5: Since you definitely aren't sleeping anytime soon, go ahead and make good use of this extra time by dwelling on any past mistakes you’ve made! Ideally this will be something minor you did years ago that no one else but you remembers. Be sure to blow it WAY out of proportion! Man, that was a really insensitive joke I told Katie at that party last year... 'O o it was a super dumb thing\ to say and Katie probably hates me now, but is too nice to say anything. o it was the dumbest thing any human has ever said, and every living person hates me. t) o
STAGE 6: Come to terms probably never sleep ag comfort and rest are nc distant dreams frc This is my life now.
STAGE 7: Wake up in the morning, unsure if you ever actually slept or not. If there’s one thing you know for sure though, it's that you have never been this comfortable in your entire life. WELP, TIME TO GO TO WORK!
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