Details How i see my dog
How I see my dog By The Oatmeal * Note- My dog is not actually effective at policing squirrels. He’s more №e a mall cop with severe ADHD. My dog’s tail has two functions- I. Indicating to me when he's happy *. Getting stuck full of leaves, insects, and poop. (It’s like one of those dream catcher things, except instead of dreams it catches crickets and feces.) I can’t seem to avoid making eye contact with his gross butthole. It is ever-watchful, like ih>e eye of Sauron. Drinks water by dipping his entire face into the bowl usually eyes-first. Its okay to sit on my ass and watch Netflix all day. as long as I do it while frequently telling my dog how handsome he is. The speed at which he eats food indicates to me that his taste buds are located in his bowels. His legs can conveniently leap onto forbidden objects, such as couches and coffee tables, but tremble in fear when faced with a staircase. My clog’s torso contains an artificial gravity well that can make him heavier when I try to pick him up. In a few millbn years, dogs are going to evolve to have a pair of nards directly in their mouths, for easier cleaning access. Unlike a cat. you can actually pet his fluffy underbelly without needing a first aid kit afterwards. rr^ ftuendfreast “The Pog Latin name- ^omo sapiens I Common name* ftuendbeast PtUmai^j occupation - Opening and closing doo^s so i can go poop Seconda^ occupation- StaiUng at Computer sevens until \ need to go out and poop again When edited, jump up and head-toutt the ^uendbeast in the sfcull. /4ino(2. concussions = love. V tUS nose is cteco^tive pulses onlj; it can't actually Smell anything, So don't v>e shj atoout tupping massive -fafUs in his pf^esence. ”TVie ^tuende>east appeals to v>e harvesting m^j poop into toags. “TViis tieftffton? relief that all poop is pt^ecious and must v?e closely examined. 1V»e ftuende>east speaks mostly giwoetush. You must listen ca^-full'j to decipher his tiNlo Wofid vocatoula^- f E>loofc-it>jsloti*tolapv?lahtooop TR6.A15 toletu^splaptooovrfds vjlai^gloo 'POTTY oUTSlQE. tolet^gitjtooopthpttolehgtUnp'f ^ You can telepathicall>) communicate With the ftuende>east ^ Sni-ffing his crotch of*- using it as ---------------a head^t. if the eyes afte the ^ateWa'j to the soul, the <Mih is the slip n' slide to the heafU. 5alt-4avof2-ed meatpoles. \_iCK- vigof^ouslj. 1V»e ftuende>east luces to magnate these chew toys in foot-stinK all day so they at*-e tasty and tupe &y evening. The Oatmeal
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