"....... Kids? Put your life jackets on before you go play in the ocean. No, I'm NOT kidding! Put them the fuck on, NOW!"
Squirrel was ready to run away and abandon the humongous mammal 20x its size to her fate.
"I wanna hold your haa-aaa--aand! I wanna hold yo-"
"Piss off, creep!"
"Aw..."
"Piss off, creep!"
"Aw..."
THAT's your only problem with this one?
Yup. Seen that in some other people's houses... or rather I heard it first and was very confused until I tracked it down and observed it going off again.
Ted: "There are no 'chicks with dicks!' Only 'guys with tits'!"
"Why won't she stop touching me? I NEED AN ADULT!"
Storytime:
I'm a Personal Support Worker (PSW) which is the lowest, most hands-on catagory of nurse. By preference, I mostly do outreach in disabled people's homes. Sometimes I do shopping because it's just enormously less of an expedition for me to just pick up a few things for them on my way to work.
One of my clients, who lives in a retirement home, only needed a few extra things from me that week: He finds his feet cold at night in his bed, so he wanted a hot water bottle to keep them toasty. The supplied Toilet Paper the home gives them for free is about the same quality as that of a gas station or fast food restaurant, so he wanted a large, economy-sized pack of some nice, soft, triple-ply (and who can blame him?) Also, for we attendants who wash are hands 50+ times a day and have dry skin as a result, some moisturizing hand-lotion to keep by his sinks for our use. I bought all these things at a Wal-mart and took them to the checkout.
Something I hadn't really thought much about up until that point; hot water bottles are actually pretty obsolete as a bed-warming tech, and have long-since been replaced by electric heating pads as more consistent and convenient. However, there IS something that some people still use those old-fashioned red rubber hot water bottles for even today: self-administered home enemas. Thusly, the only H.W.B. I could find came with a number of "extra" attachments intended for that purpose that I was pretty sure we weren't ever going to need (well, one hopes not. :P)
As I was pondering with amusement the "new, modern" standard use for these old red H.W.B.s that I only remember as something my mother used to tuck under my blankets when I was a kid and sick on cold winter nights... I glanced back down to the conveyor belt and looked at my collection of purchases with new eyes.
1- "Enema kit"
2- "Lotion"
3- "48 jumbo rolls of toilet paper".
I'm a 38 year old adult man, but when I looked back up and locked eyes with the cashier, I turned as red as a 13-year-old with a public erection.
I'm a Personal Support Worker (PSW) which is the lowest, most hands-on catagory of nurse. By preference, I mostly do outreach in disabled people's homes. Sometimes I do shopping because it's just enormously less of an expedition for me to just pick up a few things for them on my way to work.
One of my clients, who lives in a retirement home, only needed a few extra things from me that week: He finds his feet cold at night in his bed, so he wanted a hot water bottle to keep them toasty. The supplied Toilet Paper the home gives them for free is about the same quality as that of a gas station or fast food restaurant, so he wanted a large, economy-sized pack of some nice, soft, triple-ply (and who can blame him?) Also, for we attendants who wash are hands 50+ times a day and have dry skin as a result, some moisturizing hand-lotion to keep by his sinks for our use. I bought all these things at a Wal-mart and took them to the checkout.
Something I hadn't really thought much about up until that point; hot water bottles are actually pretty obsolete as a bed-warming tech, and have long-since been replaced by electric heating pads as more consistent and convenient. However, there IS something that some people still use those old-fashioned red rubber hot water bottles for even today: self-administered home enemas. Thusly, the only H.W.B. I could find came with a number of "extra" attachments intended for that purpose that I was pretty sure we weren't ever going to need (well, one hopes not. :P)
As I was pondering with amusement the "new, modern" standard use for these old red H.W.B.s that I only remember as something my mother used to tuck under my blankets when I was a kid and sick on cold winter nights... I glanced back down to the conveyor belt and looked at my collection of purchases with new eyes.
1- "Enema kit"
2- "Lotion"
3- "48 jumbo rolls of toilet paper".
I'm a 38 year old adult man, but when I looked back up and locked eyes with the cashier, I turned as red as a 13-year-old with a public erection.
Van-Damme would be proud.
