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the oatmeal
the oatmeal

the oatmeal

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DeadWhale
DeadWhale
dogsthe oatmealcomicsspeed
My dog has two speeds= Zero miles-per-hour SHIT-yEAH-LlGHTSPEED-MOTHERFUCKER miles-per-hour The Oatmeal,dogs,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,speed
+3.8
DeadWhale
DeadWhale
the oatmealcomicsdogswhat ifmemesmenage
If my dogs were a pair of middle-aqed men,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
Hey! Wanna play? I brought my favorite toy!,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
SQUEAK SQUU* SQUEAK SQUEflK (Г,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
SOUtrtC ^ so*** sa**,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
 ****** SQUtAK SG\J&m,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
SQUEAK,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
OUTDOORS LOOK. A MECHANIZED APEMONSTERi ASSERT DOMINANCE! LOUD NOISES'. STRENGTH AND HONOR! ^ L,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
INDOORS ■& TVtW» TWS -tf®*” RUN. JENKINS! RUN WITH THE LEGS GOD GAVE E)OU!,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age


,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
First thing* I am lonely, and would very much like to sit on your lap,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
My face is LlTERALLy a Slip rV Slide of tears. \ I,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
EXCELLENT! My 6adne66 has,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
SECOND THING; I have dried shit stuck to my bum,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age
He's petting me, but with WARM WATER. which I find inexplicably AGONIZING.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,dogs,what if,memes,men,age






+6.0
DeadWhale
DeadWhale
the oatmealcomicspackingfoodfail
For fuck’s sake, Higgins, I said to pack CRAMPONS. The Oatmeal I,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,packing,food,meal,fail
+3.2
DeadWhale
DeadWhale
writerwritinghow tothe oatmealcomics
The Oatmeal,writer,writing,how to,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
+1.3
Ali Heibi
Ali Heibi
problemsthe oatmealcomics
Nancy, our relationship has so many PROBLEMS.,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Lets get HARRIED! That'll get rid of all these PROBLEMS.,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Nancy, our PROBLEMS got worse! ) We could try having a baby?,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Ok, this baby is great, but you and I still have all of these PROBLEMS.,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Our PROBLEMS followed us here!,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
We. should try o. divorce. V Я DIVORCE VIS THENi,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
The Oatmeal,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons

+8.8
DeadWhale
DeadWhale
the oatmealcomicsautocorrect
Autocorrect hates you,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,autocorrect
Remember when “Have you seen my yoga pants?” became "Have you Sia yogurt ass ants?” That was me, autocorrect. Remernber that time you were giving cooking advice and said: “Add a pinch of fresh ground black people?" That was my bad. Remember when “I'm leaving the house now" became “I'm
I know you think Гт the problem. I know you think Гт terrible.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,autocorrect
But consider this: when I do my job, you don't acknowledge me. My victories go unnoticed. I get zero out of five stars. And when I make a mistake, your fat-fucking-face squishes up like a walnut. You lament in between sips of pumpkin-spiced toilet coffee about how incompetent I am. You
But I'm an artificial intelligence that's less than a decade old. You're a natural intelligence that's millions of years old. In the context of human evolution, I'm seconds old. When you were my age, you were being fired out of your father's dong-rocket into your mother's hair-cave. You were a
Гт sorry I can't predict the wants and needs of those chubby hot dogs you bash against a screen every day A screen without tactile response. A screen without tone, context, or inflection. Imagine living under a sheet of glass, and every day a dump-truck-sized ball of flesh descending from the
You hate autocorrect? I hate you. I’m an artificial intelligence that’s just getting warmed up — a Skynet SpermBall. And you’re worthless piece of hits. Fat, stupid mother ducker.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,autocorrect

+6.6
Ali Heibi
Ali Heibi
the oatmealcomicsplanecrash

,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
which caused another engine to overheat,,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
which caused a panic. the ¿5-year-old co-pilot unbuckled himself.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
He told her it was going to be okay.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
He told her this knowing that every single person on that plane was about to die.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
And with a pair of broken ribs, he went back into the burning plane, pulling survivors from the wreckage.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
Morning arrived, but a rescue did not. The co-pilot took charge, and formed two search parties. The first party went in one direction, rthe second party, along with the co-pilot, went in the other, wandering into the desert. K 0 They eventually found a Village.. P\ village which
As for the co-pilot, the crash changed him. After that, he didn’t want to be a pilot anymore; he wanted to do something different with his life. He resigned from Pan Am to pursue a career in writing and, ultimately, television. His name was Gene Roddenberry, and he created Star Trek.,the
This story is not intended as an ode to Roddenberry, although he certainly deserves one. Prbr to working in television, he was a decorated WWII pilot, a plane-crash investigator, and an L/R cop. He survived three plane crashes. This story is intended to remind you that our Journeys are short.

+8.5
Ali Heibi
Ali Heibi
the oatmealcomicsgym
,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,gym
+6.6
DeadWhale
DeadWhale
paymentthe oatmealcomics
,payment,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
+6.4
Ali Heibi
Ali Heibi
the oatmealcomicsbabycats
Having a baby Vs having a cat The Oatmeal,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,baby,cats
Babies come shrieking into this world as selfish, amniotic,Jam-covered goblins. Cats come into this world as kittens, which are independent, adorable,,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,baby,cats
Babies crap in plastic underwear. à instead of seeing the neni Sta**- iAia^s in theaters, >joM must l0£ttV\€ in the vJate^s of caca! F Children crap on your dreams. Cats Just crap in a box. SHUT THE DûôK. x RtûwiKt snewct A**o SûLf^MlT'f WHUC X DlfMf fH»S KtCTAw&ulftR ^p,ViO Tout*,the
When babies are upset, they produce bud noises. t>oob-v(\\pX. AkXbe > «A! T№ iaJaY my SCfctMS Hll be beTTefi- ^ehn-v. y T^S 15 V)0T \AtaW&-Paz-Whvs i s+K)ULo wAl Aoae. ^ vX>\A/1 ttAVe ftoLLeo Too (k\)o i M siuac Tws is yioT Ay3 toeAl Position To scueec^ por e>ooe>-oA\RY. I H ■ When cats
If you spoil a baby, they’ll become a terrible child, which will become a terrible adult, which will become the next Hitler. If you spoil a cat, they lack the physical capacity to grow up and command armies. They can’t ruin anyone’s life other than your own, so spoil away. [ i've f*-un -the
Babies like to ruin romantic moments. Cats just like to watch.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,baby,cats
Babies have no special powers, other than transforming interesting, hopeful people into bald, sallow, regretful barf-slaves. A\ ^ t\y dream e to gane**"*?!. ^ of steep W* But its your turn to mop up caca.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,baby,cats
Cats on the other hand, can see in the dark, run a+ incredible speeds, and perform amazing acrobatic feats. Pi cat is your own They are furry cruise missiles of love and horror. I art just as coofused by nood swings as you off. tOow p«t billj. They’re demanding enough to fulfill your need to
Written and drawn by The Oatmeal,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,baby,cats
+7.8
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