Ssuddenly I had a realization. I am all alone. Living in a town full of talking animals. Not only that, I am the only support for the entire environment and must spend hours planting trees and watering dumb flowers which will wilt in a day when there are ten other residents. I also realized I am a child living alone which is even weirder. I don’t need to eat. I never speak. My only friend is a goat. My only chance at love is bestiality. I was forced into labor by a raccoon.
Oh well, my as well go shake some trees and collect fruit for my entire income. This is the rare Monkey Orchid, found only in high elevations of Ecuador and Peru. The primate-esque flowers are formally known as Dracula simia, but I like to keep things casual. Like, really casual. Last week I got sent home early from work for wearing PJs to the office. I was like “C’mon, it’s casual Friday!” and the HR lady was all, “It’s Tuesday.” She suggested I start showing up for work BEFORE lunch and NOT reek of tiki drinks, which is completely rude. This is who I am — I will not be oppressed by the man! 
