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My dog has two speeds=
Zero miles-per-hour
SHIT-yEAH-LlGHTSPEED-MOTHERFUCKER
miles-per-hour
The Oatmeal,dogs,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,speed
For fuck’s sake, Higgins,
I said to pack CRAMPONS.
The Oatmeal I,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,packing,food,meal,fail
The Oatmeal,writer,writing,how to,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Nancy, our relationship has so many
PROBLEMS.,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Lets get HARRIED!
That'll get rid of all these
PROBLEMS.,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Nancy, our PROBLEMS got worse!
)
We could try having a baby?,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Ok, this baby is great, but you and I still have all of these PROBLEMS.,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
Our PROBLEMS followed us here!,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
We. should try o.
divorce.
V

Я DIVORCE VIS THENi,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
The Oatmeal,problems,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons

Autocorrect
hates you,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,autocorrect
Remember when
“Have you seen my yoga pants?”
became
"Have you Sia yogurt ass ants?”
That was me, autocorrect.
Remernber that time you were giving cooking advice and said:
“Add a pinch of fresh ground black people?"
That was my bad.
Remember when
“I'm leaving the house now"
became
“I'm
I know
you think Гт the problem.
I know
you think Гт terrible.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,autocorrect
But consider this:
when I do my job,
you don't acknowledge me.
My victories go unnoticed.
I get zero out of five stars.
And when I make a mistake,
your fat-fucking-face squishes up like a walnut.
You lament in between sips of pumpkin-spiced toilet coffee about how incompetent I am.
You
But I'm an artificial intelligence that's less than a decade old.
You're a natural intelligence that's millions of years old.
In the context of human evolution, I'm seconds old.
When you were my age, you were being fired out of your father's dong-rocket into your mother's hair-cave.
You were a
Гт sorry
I can't predict the wants and needs of those chubby hot dogs you bash against a screen every day
A screen without tactile response.
A screen without tone, context, or inflection.
Imagine living under a sheet of glass, and every day a dump-truck-sized ball of flesh descending from the
You hate autocorrect?
I hate you.
I’m an artificial intelligence that’s just getting warmed up — a Skynet SpermBall.
And you’re worthless piece of hits.
Fat, stupid mother ducker.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,autocorrect


,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
which caused another engine to
overheat,,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
which caused a panic.
the ¿5-year-old co-pilot unbuckled himself.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
He told her it was going to be okay.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
He told her this knowing that every single person on that plane was about to die.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
And with a pair of broken ribs, he went back into the burning plane,
pulling survivors from the wreckage.,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,plane,crash
Morning arrived,
but a rescue did not.
The co-pilot took charge, and formed two search parties.
The first party went in one direction,
rthe second party, along with the co-pilot, went in the other, wandering into the desert.
		K		
			
0
They eventually found a Village..
P\ village which
As for the co-pilot,
the crash changed him.
After that, he didn’t want to be a pilot anymore; he wanted to do something different with his life.
He resigned from Pan Am to pursue a career in writing and, ultimately, television.
His name was Gene Roddenberry, and he created
Star Trek.,the
This story
is not intended as an ode to Roddenberry, although he certainly deserves one. Prbr to working in television, he was a decorated WWII pilot, a plane-crash investigator, and an L/R cop. He survived three plane crashes.
This story is intended
to remind you that our Journeys are short.

,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons,gym
,payment,the oatmeal,comics,funny comics & strips, cartoons
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